I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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