Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
