we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
