I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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