Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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