i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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