I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
