UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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