i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
