she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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