im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
