I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
