Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
