Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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