There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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