We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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