Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
