I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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