you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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