Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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