Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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