i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Two words: blizzard sex
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
