Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
