planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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