'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
