Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
well, you know. whores of a feather.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
