currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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