Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
