the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
