How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
"it" just moved
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
