its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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