You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
