if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
