Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
