I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
