Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
