I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
