Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
