You're completely useless in the revolution.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
