Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
