This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
