a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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