he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
