Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
