We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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