glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
