she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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