She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
