Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
