I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
A bitchslap is in order.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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