I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She needs sedatives and a leash
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
