$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think i peed on brittanys purse
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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