My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
