How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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