He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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